How to Overcome Your Fear of Posting Online

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[Welcome Screen: Today I discuss how to overcome your fear of posting online. Without further ado—grab your portal gun. I'll catch you on the other side.]

*Read Time: 12 minutes

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The Hero’s Backstory

I hit the publish button and I felt my heart sink.

“Fuuuuuck. What are people going to say?”

Once upon a time, I was absolutely terrified of posting online. With everything I shared, I analyzed every single word. I wondered how people would perceive it. I drove myself crazy.

You see, I struggled with crippling social anxiety for years. In fact, it was so bad that I couldn’t even say “hi” to people at one point. I would leave work with my head down and hope nobody noticed me. I had to force myself in the uncomfortable situations of expressing myself.

This also translated online to what I’d call social media anxiety. In 2020, I ended up working with a coach that specializes in helping people who struggle with social anxiety. During one week, she asked me to post something vulnerable every day that week.

I did.

But it was f**king awful.

Every time I posted something, I wanted to d*e.

I felt exposed.

It felt like I was dying.

In a sense, I was.

Dying to my old identity.

The poor fragile ego-identity that just wanted to keep me safe. I had a lot to work through, but overall I’m glad I did it because I realized I could overcome anything. I could overcome the voice in my head that wanted me to continue to play small.

It still wasn’t necessarily easy to post after that, but it gets easier with time.

Nobody Cares That Much

One thing that has helped me recently with posting online is the realization that nobody cares that much. This one may be controversial to some. I’ve seen people say, “Well, if nobody cares, then why should I bother?” and “Isn’t building a personal brand about attention?”

Yes, if you want to build a personal brand, you need attention, but here’s what I mean by nobody cares… that much.

Attack The Algorithm

When I’m scrolling on my Instagram account, I realized I may like somebody’s post, and then you know what happens?

I keep scrolling. I forget about it 15 minutes later.

If I don’t engage with somebody’s content, it also doesn’t mean I hate it. It may not resonate and/or doesn’t apply to where I am in my life currently.

“Of course. This must be how other people perceive my content,” I thought.

Maybe they won’t like my content but it also doesn’t mean I’m holding space in their head and they spend their days hating my content.

How silly, right?

“I think a lot of people hesitate to post online just because they’re scared what other people will think. They’re worried about their friends seeing it. But I just came to the conclusion early on that literally no one cares. They’ll look at it, have some millisecond judgment, and then they’re back to their lives focused on themselves.” — Zach Pogrob 

When Zach realized this, that's when he ‘attacked the algorithm’. He started posting content every day and finding out what works.

Yes, if you’re building a personal brand or creating content you need attention, but in the beginning, realize this: Nobody Cares That Much. This should be liberating. Nobody is paying that much attention to you, so you can fail as many times as you need and work on improving your content, presentation, writing, etc.

Attack the algorithm and find out what works.

Do You Even Remember Bro?

If your goal is to build a personal brand by writing online, then you may know Dan Koe. If not, think of your favorite content creator at the moment.

Got ‘em?

Cool.

Now tell me their last 5 posts? What were they about?

..… crickets

Can’t remember, can you?

Okay.

What’s your favorite post or the one that resonated the most with you?

That’s probably easier to answer, yeah?

Even with the creators that you like, you don’t remember and analyze every single thing they say.

What you actually associate them with is their core messaging or some type of feeling. It’s inspiring content, empowering content, educational content, etc.

With personal branding, it’s because you like their personality and may have similar interests.

So now that you know people aren’t analyzing everything you do I have some other tips for how you can overcome this fear and attack the algorithm.

4 Ways To Overcome Your Fear of Posting Online (And Attack The Algorithm)

1- Purpose-Driven Content

What’s your purpose? Why are you posting online to begin with? What is the value you hope to bring to the people that consume your content? (*Yes, comedic relief and entertainment is a type of value.)

Emotions are powerful. Rather than over-analyzing every word you post, think about the core feelings that you want people to feel when they read your content. Stay within the realm of 3.

Mine are as follows:

• Empowered.

• Inspired.

• Free.

Run your post through this filter. Does it elicit these feelings?

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

I also realized most of what I want to talk about falls into 3 categories:

• Reality Creation

• Mental Mastery

• Peak Performance

This article would fall under ‘Mental Mastery’ and if I did my job correctly then hopefully you leave this piece feeling inspired and have a sense of empowerment that you can be brave enough to post online.

When posting online, having a purpose for your content and considering your audience can help you overcome any insecurities you might have. It’s not about you, it’s about them. If you could help one person, wouldn’t you post it?

2- Disidentify

Create without becoming identified with what you create. You aren’t what you post. You are the creator, not the creations. Your content does not add or subtract from your inherent worth.

When you don’t identify with your content, then you can view it objectively. You’re able to see what you can improve upon rather than taking a low-performing post as proof of your incompetence.

Ultimately, you aren’t the content; you are the vessel through which the content is expressed. It is my personal belief that we are channels for the Divine. When you get out of your own way, you allow this higher power to move through you and work its magic. (Think flow state.)

I heard this quote somewhere—I believe it’s from Steven Pressfield, but I can’t find proof—anyway it goes like this:

“People who do great things are humble because they know they’re not the ones doing it.”

I’m not doing anything. I’m just getting out of the way and setting up the conditions for which I can receive the insights and “downloads”.

“My brain is only a receiver, in the Universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength and inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists.” — Nikola Tesla

I’d also like to mention, people not liking or commenting doesn’t mean that people aren’t actually enjoying your content. There are many people who are lurkers.

I’m guilty of this myself.

I’ve seen Imed’s tweets pop up on my timeline multiple times and I’ve liked his ideas, but I’ve never interacted with his content. Then one day he sold a course on how to build a website for your newsletters and I bought it and finally followed his profile.

When you don’t identify with your content, you won’t need the likes or comments to uplift your ego. Realize that your content may still be interesting to people that never engage. People that will still buy.

3- Face Your Fears

I implore you to dig deep into what you are actually afraid of. Journal about this. What’s the worst thing that could happen? I mean seriously think about it. Keep asking why until you get an answer. You might be surprised about what you uncover.

I think a good majority of us think it has to be perfect.

It has to be perfect. Why?

Perfectionism is a symptom of a deeper rooted issue.

Why did I analyze everything? Why did it need to be perfect? I did this exercise some months ago and what I discovered is that posting online could mean rejection. If I’m rejected and shunned, then that means I am not loved. It means I don’t belong. It means disconnection from the whole. It means inner conflict.

So in order to avoid this deeply rooted fear, it’s better if I don’t post online, stir up the pot, and get people against me.

This goes in line with my personality type (enneagram 9). Their core desire is inner peace and harmony. Their core fear is separation.

Your deepest fear could be totally different, but there is a deeper rooted fear at play here and I implore you to dig for it. Why exactly does it have to be perfect? What are you actually afraid of?

You may also want to look into your enneagram personality type as well. It has definitely helped me understand myself better.

Once you get to the bottom of it, let this fear bubble up within you. Allow yourself to feel it without judgment. Become the one that is aware of the fear. Accept it. Allow it to be there. Face your fear.

Now realize this.

Your worst fear is probably irrational. I know for a fact people love me (family + friends) and they always will, no matter what happens online. I already have great connections with people. And anytime I experience any inner turbulence, I can always go back to meditation, self-inquiry, or breathwork. I can always return to my inner peace.

Do this. Accept your fear, then write out all the examples in your life that oppose this fear. Write out how you could return to equanimity if your fear was to actually unfold. Know that even if a few people leave you shit comments, you can always return to these truths.

“Why do you want things to be perfect? Because you’re f**king insecure.” — Gary Vee

4- The Buddha & The Angry Man

There is a story about the Buddha that I love. (One of my favorites.) There are some slight variations, but the message is the same. It goes like this:

The Buddha was giving one of his speeches, and an angry man came up to him. The man is shouting at the Buddha about how he is a fraud. The Buddha sits there patiently and allows the man to vent all his anger.

After the man is finished, the Buddha looks him in the eyes and asks gently, “Tell me, if you want to give someone a gift, but that person chooses to refuse it, to whom would the gift ultimately belong?”

The question took the man aback and he replied, “It would belong to me because I bought it.”

The Buddha smiled and said, “That is right. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you are angry with me and I do not feel insulted, then the anger falls on you again. Then you are the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is to hurt yourself.”

The man was shocked.

Maybe we haven’t all reached the place of complete inner peace like the Buddha. Most of us are somewhat insecure. I’d be lying if I said that I was completely unshakeable. But the only difference now is that when I am triggered into a negative state of being by something, I always point the finger back at me.

“What are the beliefs I hold about myself that triggered this reaction?”

If someone comments that you are stupid and you feel a pit in your stomach, it’s because, on some level, you believe what they are saying. Otherwise, it’s obvious that this person is hurting inside and it’s spilling out. “Hurt people hurt people.”

In the same way that you don’t have to accept people’s gifts, you don’t have to accept people’s insults. You can observe what is being said without internalizing it.

The world is your mirror and the more you take this phrase to be true, the faster you level up.

The Recap

Here’s the TLDR:

• Nobody cares that much. Nobody is paying that much attention to you in the beginning, so attack the algorithm and find out what works.

• You don’t remember the last 5 pieces of content your favorite content creator posted. You aren’t over-analyzing their content. You associate them with a core message or feeling. Or you like their personality.

4 Ways To Overcome Your Fear:

1. Create purpose-driven content. When you know your purpose for creating content it’s easier to overcome insecurities around posting.

2. Disidentify. You aren’t the content you post; you are the creator. When you disidentify, you can view your content objectively and improve upon it.

3. Face Your Fears. Dig deep into what you are afraid of when posting online. What’s the worst that can happen? Face it. Then write out everything that’s true about your life now that opposes this fear. How can you return to equanimity if your fear were to actually unfold?

4. The Buddha & The Angry Man. You don’t have to accept people’s insults. You can observe what is being said without internalizing it.

Okay, now go post some cool shit online.

— your friend and teammate, Player 2

‍[Game Over: Thank you for reading. I hope you found this useful in your quest to post cool shit online.]

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