How To Cultivate Positive Self-Talk

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*Read Time: 12 minutes

“I can never do that.”

“Well, I can see how it works, but I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

That’s how I used to think when I would see other people around me achieving great feats.

Now it’s actually a different story.

I’ve built trust with myself and I have the belief that I can do anything I set my mind to. Even if it takes months or years, I believe in my ability to learn the skills necessary to achieve whatever the goal is.

Most people have extremely negative self-talk 80% of the time. It isn’t hard to see why most people never achieve the goals they set.

People underestimate the power of positive self talk and self-belief—it’s written off as woowoo in some instances.

It’s funny to me whenever I see people knock the power of belief and say that you just need to work really hard.

Whenever I see an Instagram reel on the power of belief, there are usually comments that say something to the effect of:

“Oh yeah, sure, that person visualized it, but don’t forget that they worked their ass off for it.”

I’m not saying that action is not necessary. It is. But look man—if you don’t even believe something is possible for you—then it won’t even manifest itself as taking action because you’ve already shot the bird down before it could even fly.

You really think you are going to manifest having a successful business or leveling up in your career if you don’t even believe in the possibility of it?

Nah, man.

Your limiting beliefs eventually manifest themselves as self-sabotaging behaviors.

Your doubts eventually creep up as inconsistent actions.

You don’t even consciously realize you are doing this.

You may miss opportunities that are right in front of you because your mind is closed off to them. That or you unconsciously start to coast and procrastinate.

You can’t outwork your self-image.

One of my favorite stories from the book ‘Psycho-Cybernetics’, is actually taken from another book called. “Secrets of Successful Selling.” (1963)

There was a salesman that made $5,000 a year no matter what territory they assigned him or how much commission he was being paid.

It goes like this—because he was doing well; they gave him a bigger territory. He ended up still making $5,000. The next year, the company increased commissions, and he made $5,000.

Then they assigned him one of the poorest territories… did he make less?

No.

He still made $5,000 that year.

The author talks to the guy and realized it was his own evaluation of himself. (His self-image.)

The man viewed himself as someone who made $5,000 a year, so when he was in a poorer territory he worked really hard. When he was in a larger territory, he found reasons to coast when $5,000 was in sight.

This is all unconscious. He didn’t realize that he was acting in accordance with an unconscious belief of himself. Once he changed the way he viewed himself, he made more money.

The results you get in life are a manifestation of the beliefs you hold about yourself and the world, whether consciously or unconsciously.

If you have doubts about whether you can pull something off or not, it will manifest itself as wishy-washy actions.

You may believe you are doing everything you can do—but because there is doubt—you may miss opportunities that are right in your face or you may not be taking the “right” actions, etc.

And when you doubt it—you usually tend to take action from a very forceful place which energetically pushes away the very thing you seek achieve.

This is why I think there are tons of people who “work their asses off” but never see—what they believe to be—success. It’s most likely that they have a lot of limiting beliefs that still manifest themselves as self-sabotaging behaviors that they may not consciously be aware of.

Like I said:

You can’t outwork your self-image.

It all stems from the mind.

This is the power of self-belief.

And if you have positive self-talk, everything else will come naturally to you.

You can learn any skills you need and trust in your ability to overcome challenges.

You know that you can do anything you set your mind too.

You can’t do anything long term if you are self-defeating.

I can promise you won’t get far in life if you keep telling yourself how much you are trash.

Like, seriously, stop.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” — Henry Ford.

The Negative Voice

I used to have extremely negative self-talk.

Things like: “You’re such a loser.” “Nobody likes you.” “You don’t belong here.”

And I’m just keeping it PG for this newsletter—I used to seriously beat myself up.

I mean, if anyone ever talks to you the way I used to talk to myself, you should file a restraining order.

Give the negative voice in your head a different face and a different name and watch them talk to you.

Isn’t it obviously more horrific when you see this voice as a person separate from you?

And yet we still engage with it and give life to this toxic negative voice in our heads.

So how do you actually shift from this negative self-talk to positive self-talk?

It definitely takes time and won’t happen overnight, but it can be done.

I’m not gonna tell you that I have completely eradicated that negative voice in my head—because I haven’t—but it doesn’t pop up as often as it used to. Nor does it go on for long when it does pop up because I no longer give it life. (I’ll explain as we go on.)

Cultivate Positive Self-Talk

First: Create Your Cookie Jar.

This idea actually comes from David Goggins.

This is where you have mental storage space—or a mental cookie jar—of all your past victories.

The mind loves to focus on the negative and ignore the positive—mainly because it is designed to protect you from pain.

But I can guarantee you there are things that you have accomplished in the past—you just need to look for them.

It could be anything—big or small.

That time you aced that test, when you graduated from high school, when you cleaned your room, when you helped a friend, when you first set foot in the gym even though you were terrified of being judged, etc.

Take time to make a list of your past victories. List as many as you can think of.

As you continue on your personal growth journey, you will revert back to this list.

When the negative voice creeps in, remind yourself of everything you’ve already accomplished.

Second: Pick A Goal & Start Working Towards It.

It can be anything—big or small.

Start an online business, learn design, learn how to code, get fit, run a 10k race, etc.

Break this goal down into small milestones. (You can find resources such as a training program online / online course / books to assist you, etc.)

Now, every time you show up for yourself, applaud yourself and make a mental note of it.

This is another win that can be added to your cookie jar.

For example, most people know me as a runner now—but I wasn’t always a runner. In fact, there was a point in my life when I couldn’t even run 5 minutes without needing to stop.

I started off small and worked my way up.

Before I even got into running, I remember I would go for walks around the block.

Really short walks—about 20 minutes.

After a few weeks of doing this consistently, I went a bit further.

30-40 minute walks.

Then further.

1 hour walks.

Eventually I got into running and used the app C25k to condition myself to run a 5k.

It wasn’t easy and I had to repeat a few weeks over and over until I got used to running the distance required—but eventually I finished the program.

Start small and work your way up.

Applaud yourself for every step you take forward.

If you don’t exercise at all and you start walking 20 minutes 3x a week, this is actually a big difference and should be applauded.

Allow yourself to feel good about this.

The worst thing you can do is compare your chapter 1 to my chapter 20.

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

As long as you are improving upon a past version of you—you are doing alright.

As you start and see yourself leveling up, you naturally start to build trust in yourself and the confidence comes with it.

Third: “Don’t Shame Yourself, But Keep It Real With Yourself.”

Guilt & shame are trash and you can throw them away.

You are going to mess up, f**k up, and fall off track from time-to-time.

You are trying to undo years of past-conditioning so don’t beat yourself up for it.

But… you also need to keep it real with yourself.

Because I remember when I first began my weight loss journey, I would feel guilty whenever I would slip up on my diet and eat something like a donut.

I remember being on forums where people would say to not shame yourself.

Sounds good to me.

I would slip up and have something like this and think, “It’s fine—no big deal—it doesn’t ruin my whole day.”

The idea was that if you slip up on your eating habits; you don’t have to throw the whole day away—you can get back on track with your next meal.

That’s true.

The problem was that I was doing this every other day.

I would have a donut here, a bag of chips there, a candy bar, etc.

“It’s fine—no big deal.”

So, of course, I wasn’t seeing the results that I wanted.

It’s no use shaming yourself, but also just because you shouldn’t shame yourself doesn’t mean that you keep giving yourself free passes.

Part of leveling up means having uncomfortable conversations with yourself and looking at the parts of you that maybe you don’t want to look at.

Don’t shame yourself, but keep it real with yourself.

Does this behavior really serve your higher purpose?

Does it serve you in the goal you’re trying to achieve?

Think about it.

Instead of shame, do this:

Whenever you “f**k up” applaud yourself for having the self-awareness in recognizing an unconscious pattern playing itself out.

Give yourself grace, forgive yourself, move on, and then decide that you will do better next time and hold yourself accountable.

I was overweight and I used to binge eat A LOT.

I was an emotional eater.

Even after I started losing weight, I would still fall off and slip into unconscious eating patterns. I would “cheat” on my diet and binge eat.

I used to beat myself up so much for it.

I remember I would try to fast to make up for the binge eating. Then I would binge again because I was hungry. This cycle didn’t last too long—a week or so maybe—before I became conscious of this.

I decided I wasn’t gonna beat myself up anymore.

I was going to be aware.

When I did fall into unconscious eating patterns and I became aware, I thought, “Okay, I fell off. Let me do better next round.”

Shaming yourself is not going to elevate you, but only make you feel worse.

Applaud yourself for your self-awareness and decide to do better moving forward.

It’s really the best you can do.

I don’t beat myself up anymore.

If I fall off—I decide to get back on track and that’s all there really is to it.

Again, there is a difference between not shaming yourself and giving yourself free passes.

You want to be aware of the unconscious pattern and decide to do better instead of thinking, “It’s fine.” and allowing the unconscious pattern to keep playing out.

I hope this is making sense.

Fourth: Negative Thoughts Will Arise, Don’t Pull On The Threads.

Cultivating positive self-talk is not going to be easy at first because you have a habit of talking down to yourself.

Negative thoughts will still arise.

Don’t try to suppress or repress any negative thoughts.

I also don’t recommend you argue with these thoughts.

“What you resist, persists.”

When negative thoughts arise, don’t pull on the threads.

What I mean by this is do your best to not spiral into them or get hooked into the thought loops, rather observe them.

Get into the habit of observing your thoughts.

Don’t try to change them—just watch them.

Yes, this is going to be uncomfortable.

You are the sky and your thoughts are clouds passing by.

Allow them to pass.

You don’t have to give your energy to these thoughts.

The less energy you give these thoughts—over time—the less they appear.

I still have negative thoughts pop up from time to time, but they appear way less frequently than before because I no longer give them my energy.

What I used to do in the past when I would feel negative emotions and thoughts was to just spiral into them.

Turn on the dark depressing music and sadboi pop punk.

Of course—shit didn’t change—because I kept reinforcing these negative thought loops.

I no longer listen to this type of music because I know it doesn’t serve me.

Don’t suppress or repress negative thoughts and emotions—but also don’t give them energy.

Simply allow them to be there and watch them as the observer.

You are not your emotions, but the one who experiences them. You are not your thoughts, but the one who is aware of them.

Usually, as you notice them, without identifying with them, they will dissolve of their own accord.

The less energy you give them—the less they appear over time.

Level Complete.

I truly hope you find this useful in your journey.

Take these lessons and apply them. It won’t happen overnight. I hate to sound cliche but consistency is key.

Every time you fall down, just get back up.

You got this.

— your friend and teammate, Player 2

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